Hemorrhoid? What?

I learned hemorrhoids are caused by a blockage in the vein that drains the liver and rectum. This vein gets blood 'backed-up' and swells resulting in a pile in the anus. Liver blockages can be caused by too much spicy food. Spices from peppers (jalepeno, red, chili etc.). Some people are more sensitive to these spices than others. In my situation a perfect storm occurred that resulted in a very nice 'baby'. I was eating a lot of spicy foods and doing a variety of lower abdominal exercises. So, I dealt with this for about 2 days and the thing got bigger and very painful. It made me walk funny and and difficult to sit for any amount of time. I ate a lot of ibuprofen and took a sitz bath 3 times a day and after every bowel movement. This little nuisance was running my life. My schedule revolved around this 'problem'. The only thing I could say was thank God this all happened during an in-week and I didn't have to travel. Sitting on a plane and squishing this 'baby' would have been pure hell. Then walking through the airport all-funny...not cool. And there was no way I could take my post-bowel movement sitz bath while I was on-site training! After a couple days of real pain I looked through the physician directory and found the closest Dr. with an opening ASAP. I got lucky with this guy. He told about his practice and methods. He doesn't believe in medicines, but rather treating the source of the pain or symptom, not treating the symptom. That's what you call holistic medicine broseph. So, during the exam he asked if he could see it, the 'roid' that is. Well I knew this was coming and I was prepared mentally and emotionally. It's not a regular or usual occurrence to show an Isreali doctor my spread-cheek ass, but hey, you gotta what you gotta do to get relief sometimes. I dropped my pants, bent over and spread my ass cheeks for this gentlemen. He poked and prodded for about 1 second (I think he had all he could take of my anus and it's surrounding tissue) and said, "Yep, I see.". Good. Wham, bam, "take this medicine, it should help in a couple days etc.".
Once I stopped eating spicy foods and inserting the glorious Anusol suppositories in my ass 3 times a day the hemorrhoid went away. It has been about a month now and all is good. Another thing that helped is taking Milk Thistle a couple times a day. Milk Thistle cleanses the liver as well. I know a guy that takes it because he is allergic to yeast and whenever he feels the need to eat yeast he takes milk thistle to counteract the allergic reaction. Now I'm hemorrhoid free and back to workin' the abs. I travel with Anusol suppositories and shove up my ass whenever I feel a pile is working it's way to maturity...f-in bastards.