I only want to be where I'm wanted.

Me without the iPod this week in San Angelo, TX. Me? Can you believe someone like me without their tunes? I can't and the radio is bad here. I didn't realize I would be in the heart of the freakin' bible belt. Literally the Christian music stations out-number the non-secular music station 2 to 1. And then there's the issue of the guy (and I mean guy, not Asian, or Korean or foreigner) that went balls-out nuts at Virginia Tech (no link necessary) this week. I can almost feel the animosity and since of righteousness here in the bible belt about the fact that this individual in NOT a white-God-fearing-Christian boy. I can hear the undertones in their voices, had the 'shooter' not been foreign the issue of race or nationality wouldn't even be mentioned. I honestly don't think you can change the minds of the Right. While I have to consciously NOT say Asian or Korean when I talk about the incidence(s) I still won't involve the guy's foreign origins. I think it goes beyond that. I think that's even obvious. What I don't understand is the 'depression factor' I've always thought depression, the word suggests, kept you 'down'. Kinda like being high and too stoned to go out and do a drive-by. So, where does depression play a role in this highly planned, very ambitious act? Is this a new kind of hyperactive depression, that makes you want to do very complex activities that involve intense planning and forethought. I can tell that when I've been depressed I couldn't leave the house or the bed for that matter and the last thing I wanted to do was interact with others. This guy seemed very eager to spread his message of "depression" with as many people as he could. In fact this guy had immense power.
I thought depression left you powerless. Where does one get this much power? Obviously, he stole it, he took away the power from others and used it against them. Where do you get this much power? You can't buy it, you can't ask for it. You could never in a million lifetimes accrue the power this one individual had and held over so many people. He killed them all against their will, against the will of 32 people. One man vs. 32 and he fucking won. He stole, molested and perverted the will of 32 young successful students. That is an amazing fucking amount of power no one deserves. No one can hold that much power in his hands and not fuck it all up. You can't ask for that, you can only steal it, and that is the most wrong thing he did. I am as angry at the aspect of it as I am at anything else resulting from this catastrophe. No one has the right to hurt you or take your life without your permission. That's the simple truth of it. No one can take your rights, or your choice.