9/12/07

I am one tired boy. I think this job is wearing me down. I learned in a time management course that when you’re pushed outside your comfort zone or something like that, it will exhaust you. And every week I’m pushed out there to be patient and slowly explain tings to people. I can’t wait for the end of everyday to shut-up and keep things to myself. How long will I last doing this then? Who knows, but I think the honeymoon is over. So, for now I will enjoy my Gordon Biersch Blonde Bock which freakin’ awesome. This beer has a full, round creamy taste thanks to the malt overload. Very nice and tops off my week just right. Soon my garlic fries will be out and I’m chowin’ down.
I feel like I’ve sold my little old soul out to be ‘something’. What I don‘t know. I have no idea what’s going on here. I wanted to be a great musician with a great band and now I’m a non-descript nobody. I have all the trappings of no one. I wanted to be Silversun Pickups or Secret Machines…hell, I still do. I still cam, but I gotta break outta this thing I’ve gotten myself into.
I shake it, put it back in my pants, and look in the mirror and see a no one a ‘just like one of those guys’ guy. I don’t’ know him, I know he lives in me and underneath he’s been there waiting to conform and be one of those guys, but know I’m sick of seeing that person looking back at me. I don’t even want to know how to type, because those guys know how to type. I want to know how to get a perfect guitar tone, or lay-down a great track, like a one take wonder. I want to be in the thick of making great-sounding records not in the thick of airport security and smartphones. What a fuckin’ punked-out bitch I’ve become. Now wonder I want to train and be as tough as a UFC fighter…I want to kick my own ass back to where I was 5 years ago…finishing an album, playing shows, thinking about recording another album, wondering how to make my guitar sound like an orchestra on LSD. I want that again.