Where I'm Calling From

... your murder. I 'm lost, your lost and lust. We are all dirty, filthy particles of dust. Misery is everywhere, bring me flowers and I will cry for them. I don't mind the ridicule from the boys who don't cry or the macho heads who say that we shouldn't express ourselves, ALL OF YOU...FUCK YOU ALL!!! I WILL MURDER YOU FOR YOUR LIES AND HIDING, YOU STUPID FUCKS AND YOUR HIDING PLACES, FUCK YOU ALL TO HELL AND BURN TO DEATH. I am string for releasing the inner man. I am miserable, I am humble, I sleep underground tonight and dream, oh I dream. I dream of me and you together sleeping tightly, nightly and soft from the rain and the wind trying to change us and weather us to smooth our sharp edges and make us ineffectual. I will lie here and breathe. Beat me, oh, beat me to death, but I'm already dead, I beat you to it, I beat you to it tonight. Tonight belongs to me and my lonely soul.

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"What if I looked you square-dead in the eye and told you I was gonna hurt you in ways that would make your deceased mother sick? Made her vomit a pool of sorrow and pain? I can do that. Make you and her slip and slide in that puddle of mess and lose you footing on life?" What do you say to that? I was left staggering and motionless while my brain rocked and reeled it's way back to consciousness. I have never been hit that hard in the gut and soul. Words like that don't come along very often especially from a woman like this one here. I swore I would get back at her for saying that to me or anyone else. There are times you can get away with that, but this wasn't one of them there was no time for conflict and people around was were getting a little concerned with us. I needed to get on a plane and make my flight to San Fran...quick. I had no time to deal with this right now. The hour was getting late, the fog was settling in and my gun was getting cold...

It springs forth from below. i do not know where it comes from. where is it? where did it go? who has it? who really has it? who posses it? who really has it ? who can say they have it ? everyone is posing for it but we are all the same...we are all lame...we are all the same.

Oh, this headache. Wife's gone gambling in Lake Charles, I'm here watching the kids watch Doom . I have not blogged in a while coz my job's kickin' up on me taking away my free-time and stuff. But I have been alive. I've seen some good movies. I actually thought Starsky and hutch was good, but what else you gonna get when you put Ben Stiller , Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson together? A good movie, that's what you get. In my travels with my job I've eaten at some good places too. Can't remember all of them, but they've been in: Beaumont, TX, Charlotte, NC, Detroit, MI. OK, this is getting to be a lame-ass blog. "Today I saw a pony...". Nothing new here. n/p-Doom, the movie

Boysh. These past two nights haved sucked for me. I haven't been able to sleep at all. I have this bad cough that keeps me up all night. I can't lie recumbent, supine, prone or in the Simms position. I need to be elevated at least 45 degrees before the mucus irritating my bronchus is stable and doesn't stimulate the villi in my trachea and lungs. The first night I downed some Mytussin that I've had for about a year for the same symptoms. A Dr. I worked with wrote the Rx for me. That would have worked fine but I took it too late. It' kicked-in around 6AM and I had to wake-up at around 6:30AM to get Christian off to school. So, tonight I'm up blogging for I can't lie down. This morning I found some Mucinex in the cabinet (you should see our cabinet, it's disgustingly filled with all kinds of meds, both herbal and synthetic). This stuff causes you to cough-up whatever is in you that causes you congestion. Kinda gross actually , but it works.....

7.1969696969696969696969696969697 Miles High. It looks as though a lot goes on up here, but we're not apart of it. Leonardo Da Vinci tried, Michelangelo tried to be apart of it. We keep reaching, but we can't get there. I try, I try every week to hang-out up there as long as I can. The silence must be deafening. Jackson, MS. n/p-iPod, Shuffle Songs

Up at 5:27AM and hot in the shower. Not shaving today, I hate to shave. I like being shaved, but not the act of shaving. It hurts too bad. Like a wise man once told me, "God gave us men beards, why shave them?". I agree, but not really because I still shave. This is the view from my hotel room window in Atlanta: The pic in the previous post was from my hotel room in Birmingham. She told me she was the only left in her family and that nothing could harm her. I disagree. Her parents past at a fairly early age each, in their 50s. Her sister of cancer. She has no children herself. The family line stops with her. And nothing can harm her now. No one lives forever, I say. I believe I'm right. The ride goes-on and the tension cracks the air like lightning. I'm swelling inside with this severe anticipation of the thing that I cannot do. I can't make a clear decision, not on a night like this. The pain in the back of my knee increases with each ...

Do you know me? No. I don't visit you, I don't like you. You're almost single-handedly responsible for urban sprawl on a massive scale. You supply the suburbs with everything it needs and then some. You offer such low prices people can't help but shop inside you. So I had this dream last night where I'm back where I used to work before where I work now. The job is a bit different, and there are some people there that didn't used to be. I'm doing basically the same things, radiation oncology, but my co-worker and I are fighting a lot. Over simple things we yell at each other. It's gets weird: It's time to go and I'm trying to take off my scrubs and find I'm wearing a belt with 2 jars attached to it. One jar on each side of my waist with tops on and a tube coming out of the top connected to a place I can't see. I disconnect the tube and I have to clamp the tube off with a paper clip because I can't find a pair of hemosta...

I'm calling from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. First-off, thank you to the nice guy from Toronto who took a chance on an unshaven guy from Texas to hold his spot in line while he checks to see if AA can check us in for our international flight on the first class ticketing counter. He saved my night, but doing that. He gave me the thumbs-up and I grabbed another guy and we bolted over to the first class agents. I ran to gate D38 and just in time I made my flight. Had in not been for the quick-thinking of a Canadian I wouldn't be here now, maybe, but it wouldn't have been good getting to site a day late. Thank you Toronto-ist! Ladytron, from the mp3s I grabbed the other day I am oh so glad. This new Ladytron is phenomenal. It's so juicy and thick and danceable. It's everything Ladytron which is: Those great melodies that make you want to drive around in a big city at 99 mile per hour with the stereo blaring while you hold on to your girl's hand, look her ...

Yo, I say, there's something to be said about free music, anti-depressants and random music selection from your own music library. Emusic will give you 50 free mp3s as a trial offer for their mp3 download service that you would eventually need to pay a monthly fee for should you decide to stay with Emusic . I was looking for some nice upbeat electronic songs for my workout and found this offer to be the perfect opportunity not only to get that music, but to try some new on for size free of charge and guilt-free. Guilt-free as in not illegally downloading it. So, I grabbed my 50 free mp3s and got the hell outta there. Emusic's selection is not as wide as I would like or expect, but it sufficed for what I was looking for at the time. I am disappointed by the fact that I couldn't find the new Depeche Mode album, "Playing the Angel". I did find something cool though, it's Drum n' Bass DJ called DJ Rap, these pretty too. Very juicy Dn'B with gre...

Today my new dog had surgery. We scheduled a hysterectomy and a battery of shots, but we ended up, in addition to that, with a hernia repair. Apparently she had a umbilical hernia, and the nurse asked me, "Hadn't you noticed that bulge on her belly?". No, I didn't. I didn't really inspect my dogs belly when I got her. She seems to be fine now, she's just laying around in her cage and sleeping. And we're left with the task of keeping a small dog from leaping or jumping too much for 10-14 days, HA! If you knew this dog you'd know why I laugh. We also figured that she's 4-5 years old based on the looks of her teeth. You can tell how old a dog is by the condition of their teeth: missing teeth, chipped teeth, tarter build-up etc.

It actually warms my heart to see so many Subarus here in the Boston area. You know you'’re in good company when you see Subarus because that means you'’re among people that enjoy and hopefully protect the environment. That seems to be the vibe I get whenever I'm in a city with a fair amount of Subies on the roads. The environment is usually moutainous, or hikable, or worthy of being utilized. I guess any city could be utilized, but how much fun can you have in the open flat, plains? I met a great couple last night via bumming a cigarette. I like to smoke when I drink, it'’s an all or nothing proposition, you know? When I flub or goof, I do it big style. There's no in-between when it comes to screwing-up. So, anyway it turns-out they're from Ireland and are in Boston on vacation. They were so very nice to invite me to join them for dinner, even though I already ate dinner, I went along for the company. We talked about this and that and the differenc...

Why doesn't Young Girl Summer quit being a bitch and let Old Man Winter have his time to reign? I'm so tired of this heat literally. I get out into the heat of NOVEMBER and it drains. It drains me physically, I'm so exasperated from all the damn heat that I want to give up and go back indoors where I belong apparently. I was thinking that it would be a good time to go outside and run around the football field, but wait, it's still 85 degrees outside, I'm not going out there to sweat like a pig. But it's November even! I'm so ready to move outta here. I don't know what's up with this Global Warming deal, but I'm starting to believe it to a reality. In the eighties there were many records set for high temps in Texas, and that was before "Ozone Layer" and "Global Warming" become buzz-words. My point? Time to move outta Texas and lay guilt upon my mother for ever moving me here and me waiting to long to leave. I alr...

I've been exhausted, a wreck. I tried to meet with our mastering engineer, but it didn't work-out. Finally, my annoying trainer went home to OK. I'm being a dick here, but damn, some people talk too damn much. I am purposely skipping around because I'm a bit hazy (if you know what I mean). Here's the deal: I ask at the cancer center how I can get to Boston. I wait 1 and 1/2 hours for a fuckin' taxi at the end of the day. I'm in a bit of a rush to get to the Sprint Store to get a new phone. The day before, I walk into the Sprint store after going to the one that is closest to the hotel. The "kid" at the counter tells me that the Sprint store 2-5 minutes down the block has a bigger selection of phones, so I should go down there. I do. I sign-in and wait ~10 min. My name is called and I know what new phone I want, so I tell the guy at the terminal. He goes through the proper procedures and applies all the discounts I'm eligible...

I got a dog, a part Chihuahua and part Dachsund. We named her Mini . She is small and cute and well-behaved. We got her from the animal shelter and when I saw her I knew she was the one for us. In the picture she is wearing her Halloween costume which is supposed to be a unicorn, but is really just a horse, a very soft horse. I'm here on Boston on Halloween night arriving by jet airplane, of course. We were an hour late getting off the ground in DFW, so we arrived in Bean Town at 4:20pm. The weather was mild, 70deg., and low humidity. In the cab on the way to airport as the Eastern European driver explains all the pertinent Boston-info to me I realize how beautifully old this city is. It's love at first sight. It takes my breath away the structure and layout of the city. The liveliness is all around and I'm like a kid in a candy store trying to take in all this life and activity. The streets go this way and that and people are everywhere, walking jogging, bik...

Touched down in ATL at 6:15PM. Touched base with my lead trainer to confirm she was going to be arriving shortly. I now pace behind the rental car for about 45min. She arrives and we introduce ourselves. She is my mentor and nice. I am her student and eager to learn. The drive is, as usual, filled with newly acquainted chit-chat about backgrounds, experience, what it's like to live where you live. I did not inform her of my past duties of a being a rodeo clown in southern Canada. Nor do I mention I'm secretly studying to be a belly dancer. The truth is written all over my face and the scar over my ribs tells the biggest tale with little room for correction or contradiction. I am not ready to divulge the urge to writhe in the restaurants of Ft Worth for change and cigarettes. I am packing a gun, though, I won't be put in that position again. I was traveling, as usual, feet above the floor, skimming the surface, as it were, trying to become fixated on the spot in...

Man, I hate being the new guy. I just got off of a conference call with some of my team members and our supervisor and I felt about this impt. and smart (imagine my thumb and forefinger about 1mm. apart). It's sucks not knowing what to do and what to say in a meeting with your peers. It seems everybody has everything under control but me. And I'm out here training other people on what to do. I need a drink. Part of it, though, could be that I'm tired. I'm beat from working-out and starting back to an ultra-low carb diet since I've gained about 10 pounds in the past few months...must be because I'm into my 30's now. It let me tell you it's much easier to gain then to lose it broseph. I must say that my physical fitness has improved since I started working out in hotels. I can run longer and faster and don't feel as winded after exercise, as I sit here and write about how beat I am. I need to go work with my colleague on some work in the hote...

It's too damn hot in Texas today. What gives? I can't get away from the heat. It's time to give it up Summer. Give it up. Ooh, but I did see a good band last night. My friend, Cameron, is in a band called Black Heart Society . It was their first show and I was very impressed. You see, I played bass guitar with them once, yeah once until they kicked me out. That's OK, I have my own band ********** to worry about. Anyway I was going more out of curiosity because the only other time I've heard them play is through the other side of the wall and a drunken haze. They play a very familiar mix of 60's 70's Brit rock, but competent none-the-less. I was very pleased to hear them, I think their band came together very well. I commend them fully. I also got to brag about our deal with Northern Star Records because the guys in the band had seen a show with one of the other bands on the comp we're going to be on put out by NSR. Small world, eh? That w...