Where I'm Calling From

For sheer entertainment value Vegas can't be beat . Also as a place where the brilliant, alien, fucktards flourish?...it can't be beat either. My god it's a great place to sit back and watch the flies fight over a piece of rotten meat. In the right frame of mind the entertainment value of being a spectator to this endless, slow-motion train wreck of humanity can be quite awesome. There's never a dull moment and I thank Vegas for providing me with this free-of-charge show. Only after I have come down from the mountain did I feel refreshed and ready to objectively, passively observe the shit-storm of stupidity that swirls about my head daily. I have found that the slinking pile of biomass that pulls itself into its car and throws itself around the city can be quite entertaining as long as you keep a safe distance and steer clear of the trail of half-digested decisions and morals left behind like trails of diarrhea. Slip in it and you'll quickly find yourself...

So what I've gathered so far is that there are two scenarios that led, or lead, to the population of Las Vegas. Neither is positive or good, and both lead to the filth that has gathered here. Like the filth and dirt that gathers in the corner of a room. Where the majority of the dirt out in the middle of the room is swept up and discarded theres the little bits that blow around and eventually end up against the wall and in the corners. Some of this dirt finds it's way under furniture and is hidden from view and forgotten about. That hidden, forgotten dirt is the people that populate Las Vegas. These are the people that can't make it in normal society, can't live within the rules and natural laws that make life amongst other humans possible. These are the people that are outside the limits of normal human behavior and intelligence. The population here is rough, uncivilized and refuses to play by the rules of society. It's not in their nature to be considerate of ...

Being the type of person that I am (an inexhaustible idealist and tinkerer) there are things here that I can't fix. There's nothing here that I can touch and make better. So, ,why did I do it? This city sucks!

Never before have I wanted to be wrong so badly. I want o to be wrong about the way of life here. I want to find that I was wrong, for someone to tell me, "No! you've juts been living in the wrong part of town and meeting the wring kind of people!". That hasn't happened yet. So, i why did I move here, why do I stay here? Well, it started out as a chance for change from the old way of life that was so good and normal. I moved away form the place where I has great friends and family, but as a person who grew up the middle child of 8 children, I need my own space an identity and I need to test that to see where I stand and to check-in to see who I'm doing. I did that by moving here. The community that exists in Las Vegas is cold and unconnected. From what I feel about the place it is nothing more than an ant farm existing just to exist. It was constructed and people are operating in it, unbeknownst to one another. Being nice and is some form of sarcasm and com...

I rented a 2012 Ford Focus last week...it got over 40 mpg on the highway and it drove like a more expensive car . I want one.

V-TARP

Anyone can go hiking for a hike, but you sign up for a hiking group for the people. I signed up for a MeetUp hiking group a few weeks ago and went on the first group hike a couple weeks later. It was a 7.5 mile, 4-hour strenuous hike. The average age of the group was pushing 50 years old. We briefly meet in the parking lot and immediately start the hike...no real introductions. As I'm going along the desert trails and rocks I'm quietly listening to the chatter around me while feeling the intense burning in my thighs and I am HIT with the feeling that I'm in a movie. I'm surrounded by very familiar personalities and conversations. I later realize that all these movies I've seen where the characters are in a certain situation and all their life experiences are pouring trying to figure things out as a group is happening in my midst. My case is this: it starts as a couple of us get ahead of the group and get a little off-track, it's the typical personalities, th...

It's been a long time since I have written in my blog. Not much has happened that I would care to put here, rather talk to people about. I have moved away from everyone I know and my family along with me...more on that later. I want to confess something. I recently traveled to Kentucky for work. It was in a beautiful part of the state, in or very near coal mining country. I arrived at night and could only see the snow covered mountains and trees only guessing how scenic the area would be in daylight...it would be another 2 days before I saw anything in daylight. I was on-site much longer than I should have been and this is where things turned negative for me. After training for 11 hours that next day I was quite tired, not physically, but mentally and not feeling very cheery or friendly. As a result I became very negative and thought quite lowly of the people I encountered and training at the hospital. This is a simple town with simple people leading simple lives. Secluded from the...

I attended the All Tomorrow's Parties music festival this past weekend. I can't begin to explain what an event this was. I think it will take a while for everything to soak in an leave it's mark. For a start it was momentous and worth the 3-month or so wait once I learned of the line-up and purchased the ticket. I saw some of my favorite bands all in one venue in one weekend. These bands are my favorite when they're recorded and they shine especially bright live, in fact 3 of them purport to be the the loudest live bands in the world. Mogwai Dinosaur Jr My Bloody Valentine Loudness aside, favorite bands aside it was a wonderful festival concluding a wonderful vacation to New York with my wife and too great friends. We also incorporated a pre-trip to NYC. Our hotel was a block from Times Square. We were hooked up with free tickets to a Broadway performance of Hairspray , Bodies: The Exhibition and FuerzaBruta ..in that order. And in-between we absorbed as much of the c...

Check out this house designed by a student of Frank Lloyd Wright . It has a silo in the middle of the living room contained within is a stereo, flat screen TV and a slide-out cocaine line cutting board. The jacuzzi is in the middle of the master bedroom for all to see your rolls and blemishes. And the bathroom sinks have been updated and...bbbbrrrrrrrrrrfffffp. What!? Lynda? What did you say? Was that the gas from your ass commenting on the basin-style sinks? I'm sniffing, but I'm not smelling anything. You're just talking away and just a little bit louder I might add. You mean, you eat food that escapes your body through your ass without an odor? How devine! How truly deitific.

It was the story of a tax collector that got to me recently. This voice in his head that I hear as well. Of course the voice wasn’t the same as his, nor was it describing his life…it was/is describing mine. Every move as if I was third-person to myself. I never feel alone, but watched and critiqued. After a very long time, many years, I was made aware of this voice as being mine, but outside of me. Right now, as I mute the television to write this, the voice is louder, more tangible and a bit annoying. I write and it reads. I stop to think of the next line and it waits. There must be a name for this voice, or presence. Something, like ‘ego’, or ‘conscience’, or maybe ‘alter-ego’. Somewhere I could find the answer, but I’m afraid if I did I would also find a way to quiet it and that might result in feeling more alone. Look at me, adore me, but don’t judge me. I thought I may be on my way to finding answers to things like this, but I was erroneously charged $...

I've been in a hella-funk lately. It could be that I've taken myself off of my anti-depressant Zoloft , or I've been freakin' out over gaining weight since turning 30. OR IT COULD BE I MUST'VE LOST MY TESTOSTERONE SOMEWHERE!!! WTF, reading that you'd think I was a fat, ugly girl stressing over finding a date for the weekend getaway with my girlfriends and I bought airfare for 2 and no guys wants me. Sometimes it's that bad. Anyway, best friend Niki and good friend Jason ask me to play bass in their band Fate Lions the other day. Being in a downward spiral and perpetual funk I had to think about it for a few days also due to lack of self esteem. I talked it over with the wife and she nearly demanded I do it to help me get out of this mood. She has all the insight and usually knows best, plus she loves music as much as I do and she knows it ultimately makes me happy. She's probably sick of hearing my polish the Snowdonnas' turd album in my ro...

Leave the house flight from MSP to GFK was canceled and rebooked to a mush later time I give up airplane seat for $300 and free food and drink in first class I get to MSP, It's mother freakin snowing sideways and it's 3/31/08

Today I left the house for Grand Forks, ND at 8:30am. My flight was scheduled for 10:22am. I get to the airport and as I'm looking at trail mix ti buy for a snack I get a phone call from Northwest airlines telling me my flight from Minneapolis to Grand Forks was canceled and that I've been booked for the 10:29pm flight. I was supposed to fly from MSP to Grand Forks at 2:30pm and get in at 4pm

I applied for this position. I was really excited about it because it was something new and challenging. It was a sure thing, I was a shoe-in to get this position. No one had the fucking skills I have for this. HOWEVER the lady making the decisions didn't think. In a subtle way I was rejected. As if cut by a subtle knife. I was told that based on my answers in the interview that I wouldn't find the position interesting enough and boring. In a blind, dumb stupor I agreed and without even knowing it I relented to the rejection right there on the phone. I answered the phone thinking we were going to talk salary numbers and before I knew it I was acquiescing to a full-on, 'you're not the person we're looking for'. I didn't say, "No, you're wrong. I think you read my body language wrong. I am so the person that comes out of the blue and blow your ass out.". Yeah, I know this is software or little or no consequence to a large part of the world, very ...

Driving rhythm. If I was a driver, I would want to drive rhythm like Sonic Youth drives it. It’s like riding in a big Lincoln Continental, that big one, prolly 60’s model with the suicide doors. Going about 90mph is the rhythm and the vocal melodies and guitars being the shocks that smooth out the ride, so only by looking out the window to the side do you realize you’re going so fast. But if you close your eyes, you barely feel the road…maybe a slight bobbing motion. Today was weird. I felt like I had no sense of time and I have been in the air ALL DAY. I may have been, I don’t know. Maybe it was the multiple naps I took on my unusually long flight to Charlotte, NC. The bad weather in Charlotte started it the episode by not allowing us to land and leaving us to circle in the air as long as fuel would allow which turned out to be 30 minutes. Then, as we ran out of circling fuel we were diverted to Charleston, SC for refueling and to wait til the weather in Charlotte cleared. I...

As we drive along this freeway the conversation fades away cigarette smoke from the old rodeo days in Canada. I think one of her hometown friends call her on her cell phone and they're discussing her upcoming divorce. I get bored and my mind starts to wonder... I think about my own life and where I'm headed and why I'm taking my own sweet-ass time doing it. I think about my personal life and where I fit-in to this world and what is this world anyway? Is it a playground for the privileged? Is it a temporary hell for the rest of us? Is it the paradise that we're all screwing up and not getting the point? Is it the end of the road and we're all fools? All I know is I'm here to do one thing and that's why I'm carrying a gun, but who will I point it at in the end? In my mind I see how I could use it on myself and I gag slightly, a small dry-heave, if you will. I hide that convulsion from my driver and move to other thoughts. I think, "would my wife mis...

I am one tired boy. I think this job is wearing me down. I learned in a time management course that when you’re pushed outside your comfort zone or something like that, it will exhaust you. And every week I’m pushed out there to be patient and slowly explain tings to people. I can’t wait for the end of everyday to shut-up and keep things to myself. How long will I last doing this then? Who knows, but I think the honeymoon is over. So, for now I will enjoy my Gordon Biersch Blonde Bock which freakin’ awesome. This beer has a full, round creamy taste thanks to the malt overload. Very nice and tops off my week just right. Soon my garlic fries will be out and I’m chowin’ down. I feel like I’ve sold my little old soul out to be ‘something’. What I don‘t know. I have no idea what’s going on here. I wanted to be a great musician with a great band and now I’m a non-descript nobody. I have all the trappings of no one. I wanted to be Silversun Pickups or Secret Machines …...

There are some real,hardcore bitches in my personal space. Women, and somtimes men who are working hard to display their displeasure with my work and the company I represent. I am only here to show you the product your boss purchased and how it works FOR YOU! One little, small, insignificant thing can get your eyes rolling, your guffaw going and you looking over your glasses at your co-workers for support and agreeance. I hope you never find that type of agreement from other people, because you alone are very small and myopic in your vision and thought. You have no idea how big this thing is in front to of you and where it can go, or take you. You can't wait for the next let-down. You're waiting to catch your breath to expel you're next complaint while the rest of the world passes you by. I Know, it sounds cliche', but it's true, You want to hold-up, stop the world so we can all hear your superior negative comments and get people on your side. "See...

You wanna talk about a collapsed bridge? Today, around 600pm, a bridge spanning the Mississippi River collapsed in Minneapolis. Several people were killed, many injured...a big mess. I think I've driven over that bridge when I took my family there last summer while I was working. My son Christian just about fell in love with the city, and has been asking to go back there ever since. I find him fascinating, his thoughts, desires, behavior and just his pure angelic handsomeness. I can look at the boy and see love, joy and crushing passion. He will grow to be a happy, inspired man one day. He fascinates me everyday and everytime his image enters my mind. I wonder if sooner or later he will ask about that bridge and still want to go back to Minneapolis. He's sensitive to catastrophes like that. Here's an instance of another bridge that has collapsed: the one between my mother and me. No one has died or has been injured. This bridge does span a large river as well, ...